OK, so here I am starting this totally anonymous blog. You may ask why it is anonymous? Well because I am your classic wimpy fat chick. It seems that all my life I have been battling the skinny chick inside of me. So far I have done a darn good job of shutting her up with chocolate, fast food, sweet tea, Chinese, fried chicken and the list goes on & on. Well once again I am going to say that all changes today. Although I am going to admit I have been down this roads many times before BUT this time it feels different. First I am going to give a little history before I tell you why it is different.
My earliest memory of battling my weight was the second grade. My Grandma would put me on the scale at her house each week. She would "help me" diet while I was at her house by feeding me boiled weenies and peas and I would drink diet Faygo. Yes, I was bigger than my friends but I wasn't obese - yet. Now I look back at pictures of myself at that age and I look like a normal child. My own daughter is going to have to battle the same demons (couldn't think of a better word) but I never want her to feel like I did all those years as I was being put on the scale. The last thing I want for her is a memory that involves trying to get one finger on the bathroom cabinet so that I could just weigh one pound less.
With my Grandma's help I tried several diets even one of those where you go in and they sale you the little packs of shakes or something like that. She paid for me to go to a nutritionist and to go see a Dr that she heard would give me diet pills. She even told me what I should say to him but apparently it was the wrong thing as he suggested the Atkins diet. So I have done Atkins, South Beach, NutriSystem and even went to the Bariatric Clinic this past year where they do give you diet pills. On each one of them I lost weight but I never got to a goal weight or lasted very long on them.
Do want to know what is different this time? I have a friend!! Now I have lots of friends but this one is different. She is just a few years younger than I am, she is single where I am married BUT we weigh almost exactly the same thing. We just recently reconnected and of course one of topics has been weight. There is no one else who knows how much I weigh outside of my Dr's office but her. It feels so good to be able to say those numbers out loud to someone else and not see shock in their eyes.
So a couple of months ago her and her Mom watched this movie called Lying to be Thin which was based on the book The Cinderella Pact. After watching this movie she came up with a pact for us. There could be five of us because we each asked a friend but I believe only the three of us are doing it. It is a pact to change our lives by making ourselves our priority and we are accountable to each other and we support each other because we get those cravings that others do not understand.
We were into our pact a few weeks and mainly concentrating on eating healthier and getting some movement a few times a week when I decided to do Weight Watchers. I have to admit I have bought into Weight Watchers before but this time is different. This time I actually living by the rule if you bite, your write it. Right now I can have 33 points a day which still allows me to splurge some, although I have to admit that I am nervous because I know eventually I will reach a point where I only get like 20 points a day.... My friend and I are both doing weight watchers and going to the meetings together where we have to get on the scale and be accountable!!
So that is how I got to this online diary that others can read. Who knows maybe someone else will read this and it will help them feel better. Regardless I believe I'm gonna enjoy writing my feelings down and I maybe able to convince my partner in crime to do the same.
My first memory was after the birth of my first child. I was overweight some before I got pregnant but afterwards is when it all began. Now after I all my kids have started school I have decided to get rid of the "baby fat". I look forward to reading your blog as I can relate to your posts.
ReplyDeleteHi there! My story well if you read my blog you will get the gist of it. but here is a little side note. During my meth addiction i was wearing a size 7 jeans and they were loose. When i quit, 10 years ago, I gained 65 pounds in rehab. I was in for over a year. then over the course of the last 5 years i have added 20 more. that is how i gained the weight. traded meth for food. now im learning to eat right. Thank God for WW!
ReplyDeleteGood luck in your journey! I will be following your blog, so post away!
Thanks for sharing Judy! I will be going to check your blog out and will be in prayer about your battles.
ReplyDeleteCongrats! You should be very proud of yourself. I had a similar experience growing up. My mom and my sister were both very thin some might say too thin.. I was "heavier" and my mother always told me "if your not comfortable with yourself we need to make a change". The only thing I was not comfortable with was being a disapointment. It just got worse as I got older... Only now that I actually am overweight do I look at those times and feel regret for how I preceived myself. When I graduated highschool I was in perfect shape. Then I had my gaulbladder taken out. There were some complications and I put on a few points... a few eventually turned into 50. After marriage and a divorce I decided to get my life back. I am also in WW and I am doing ok. Hopefully i can get a hold on this before it hurts my health. I look forward to reading about your journey! Good LUCK
ReplyDeleteGood luck. We can do this!!
ReplyDeleteGood Luck on your Journey and I look forward to reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteI have been heavy my entire life! I weighed 110 when I was 5 years old so I was morbidly obese back then; however I was always active. I rode bikes, skates, skate boards, I swam, I ran...I did everything all of the neighborhood kids did albeit I was slower but I did it!
The first "DIET" I can remember was when I was 10 I put myself on a diet. I stopped drinking soda, and eating candy or chips, and for lunch everyday I would eat a weight watchers frozen food and then dinner was whatever my mom made. Of course, I never managed to keep the weight off. I also did Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Atkins, been to a nutrionist that would pump me up with diet pills and then downers to get me off the high from the uppers in the diet pills, Optifast (the shake diet), and I can't remember everything else.
When my daughter was 8 and leaving the grammar school for the middle school the grammar school nurse told me they would not allow her into the middle school until I had my daughter tested for a thousand things (my daughter was diagnosed with anorexic tendancies when she was 3) because they wanted proof that my daughter was just thin and not thin because I was abusing her by eating all of the food and not giving her any (at the time I weighed 316). At that time, along with spending the summer having my daughter pinched, poked and prodded by dozens of doctors, I joined WW and lost from 316 to 170. I have since gained 60 of those pounds back and I am in the process oflosing them again. For some reasong it seems harder this time around. I just can't seem to get on track and on program and stay there. Maybe reading your blog will help.
BTW, I saw that movie in January and I can relate to soo many of their issues, I even read the book. I wish I had someone that I could turn to to make a pact with...that might be helpful for me.
Good Luck,
Oh my, I can not imagine the emotions you felt for yourself and your daughter while you were going through that. How awesome that at one point you got down to 170. Once you get your groove I am praying you can reach your goal again.
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